Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Disneyland for my 30th!!!
I have to brag on my my sweeter than sweet hubby right now, because he took us (Braydon included) to Disneyland this week to celebrate my 30th birthday. We had a blast and thoroughly enjoyed watching Braydon's reactions during his very first Disney experience.
We are very aware that Braydon won't retain any memories from this trip, but we have/will, and they'll last us a lifetime.
For instance, we'll forever giggle to ourselves when looking back on the moments when Braydon was less than receptive when meeting the various Disney characters. He refused to make eye-contact, acknowledge them, or would tell them "no, no" and/or would say and baby-sign "all done" or would just simply say "bye-bye." We tried so diligently to take those perfect pictures of us/him posing with the characters, but little man wanted nothing to do with it.
We'll also smile when remembering his reactions to his first 2 rides: The Pirate's Of The Caribbean and The Haunted Mansion (stylized in The Nightmare Before Christmas). Even though he DID NOT like either ride, he did not cry out even once. He did, however, cling to his Daddy for dear life during both, and once again would sign and say "all done" the entire time for both rides. Hey, at least he's using "all done" in proper context.
Braydon loved all of the rides in the Fantasy Land portion of the park -- especially It's A Small World and Alice In Wonderland. He'd ooh and ahh, say wow, wee, yeah, and clap his hands... so stinking cute. He also enjoyed the new Nemo ride and Toy Story ride, especially when he was able to control the direction our car was facing as Tyson and I tried to aim our lazer gun-things towards various targets.
It was a bit tricky trying to capture pictures of him smiling because he was too busy soaking in all Disney has to offer: the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, etc.
All in all, it was a wonderful trip and it was certainly nice to escape reality for a little while. Thanks babe for a wonderful mid-week getaway in celebration of my 30th! I love you very much!!!
Here are some pix from our time spent at the Magical Kingdom...
We are very aware that Braydon won't retain any memories from this trip, but we have/will, and they'll last us a lifetime.
For instance, we'll forever giggle to ourselves when looking back on the moments when Braydon was less than receptive when meeting the various Disney characters. He refused to make eye-contact, acknowledge them, or would tell them "no, no" and/or would say and baby-sign "all done" or would just simply say "bye-bye." We tried so diligently to take those perfect pictures of us/him posing with the characters, but little man wanted nothing to do with it.
We'll also smile when remembering his reactions to his first 2 rides: The Pirate's Of The Caribbean and The Haunted Mansion (stylized in The Nightmare Before Christmas). Even though he DID NOT like either ride, he did not cry out even once. He did, however, cling to his Daddy for dear life during both, and once again would sign and say "all done" the entire time for both rides. Hey, at least he's using "all done" in proper context.
Braydon loved all of the rides in the Fantasy Land portion of the park -- especially It's A Small World and Alice In Wonderland. He'd ooh and ahh, say wow, wee, yeah, and clap his hands... so stinking cute. He also enjoyed the new Nemo ride and Toy Story ride, especially when he was able to control the direction our car was facing as Tyson and I tried to aim our lazer gun-things towards various targets.
It was a bit tricky trying to capture pictures of him smiling because he was too busy soaking in all Disney has to offer: the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, etc.
All in all, it was a wonderful trip and it was certainly nice to escape reality for a little while. Thanks babe for a wonderful mid-week getaway in celebration of my 30th! I love you very much!!!
Here are some pix from our time spent at the Magical Kingdom...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Braydon and his Christmas PJs
I tried soooo hard to get that "perfect" shot of Braydon in his adorable Christmas PJs, but instead (in true 19 month old fashion) he ripped his hat off his head and refused to let me get that perfect shot of him in front of our Christmas tree. Oh well... he's still looking so darn cute regardless.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
This is me being raw and honest... not my typical up-beat post
This time of year, since 2007, has once again caught me off guard. I see "it" approaching in the weeks and months prior; I can see "it, this time" veering straight for me, and yet I'm still caught off guard.
I hate that almost every single time I see boy/girl twins at their various ages and stages, I feel an instant pain pierce through my heart. A pain that nearly stops me in my tracks, a pain that can sometimes cause tears to well, tears I have to force back. I hate that each time I see other family's perfect, miraculous twins, the memories of what happened to us flash through my mind, burning the heart wrenching images into my thoughts, the images I try so hard to forget. I hate the extra reminders of what will never be for us. I hate that the hole in my heart (as well as Tyson's) is still there. I hate that Braydon has a brother and sister he'll never know -- a brother and sister we only had fleeting, yet cherished moments with.
This past week, it seems as if every single time I try to fall asleep I re-live the birth of Quinn and Addison. I can see their perfect micro-preemie faces, hands, fingers, feet, toes, lips, ears, hair... ALL of their perfect little features. I can still feel the sensation of touching them, still remember how it felt to hold them, both wrapped within the same blanket. I can still vividly see Quinn reaching his arms out to me as his sister was being born. I still remember the the expression on Addison's face, a look of such peace, as if knowing her time with me/us was meant to brief.
This coming December 6th marks the 3 year anniversary of the day we found out we were having a son and a daughter, Quinn and Addison. Three years ago this coming January 3rd we found out we were losing them, and three years ago this coming January 4th we said our sad good-byes.
Every year since our sad, sudden, unfair, tragic, and can't-make-sense-of-this parting, early December to early January always wears on me. My tears are always just beneath the surface, and I wish I were stronger than I am right now, and have been in the past.
I can and will say that even though the holes in our hearts are still present, the space around our wounds has expanded exponentially. Braydon brought us back to life, brought us a love so profound, it cannot be explained. He is our world, and our life, and it's because of him we walk through our moments of darkness with our hearts full of love, fueled by our love and devotion for him and our little family.
This time will pass, as it has since since 2007, and we will continue to walk through this having grown even stronger than the year before. It's in these moments I take the time to truly reflect on how great our life is now. To thank God for the blessings he's rained down upon us, to thank God for getting us through a time I thought would have certainly killed us. On one hand I never knew such a pain existed, and on the other, we're now (and have been) living the fulfilled and joy-filled life we feared would never come to be.
I'm so thrilled and grateful that Tyson and I are able to experience a love so pure, so overwhelming, that it renders us speechless and warms our hearts with joy, sheer happiness, and pride. Braydon is more than anything we could have ever dreamed of, and yet is our answered prayer. He's our perfection -- he's the one who mended our broken hearts.
So, I'll end with this:
I'm sad right now, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm not, or pretend that these anniversaries don't affect me, because they do. I just needed an outlet to vent right now without it turning into a discussion.
Braydon and Tyson are my world, my heart, and my life. I'd be lost without them -- they are the center of me, they are what motivates me.
Lastly, I do have friends who have boy/girl twins (The Warrens), and what they have, it does not affect me even a little. I love them and only want the best for them -- I love that their world and hearts are so full of love. I love babies Caprice and Carson, and I hope they will someday be Braydon's buddies.
Goodnight
I hate that almost every single time I see boy/girl twins at their various ages and stages, I feel an instant pain pierce through my heart. A pain that nearly stops me in my tracks, a pain that can sometimes cause tears to well, tears I have to force back. I hate that each time I see other family's perfect, miraculous twins, the memories of what happened to us flash through my mind, burning the heart wrenching images into my thoughts, the images I try so hard to forget. I hate the extra reminders of what will never be for us. I hate that the hole in my heart (as well as Tyson's) is still there. I hate that Braydon has a brother and sister he'll never know -- a brother and sister we only had fleeting, yet cherished moments with.
This past week, it seems as if every single time I try to fall asleep I re-live the birth of Quinn and Addison. I can see their perfect micro-preemie faces, hands, fingers, feet, toes, lips, ears, hair... ALL of their perfect little features. I can still feel the sensation of touching them, still remember how it felt to hold them, both wrapped within the same blanket. I can still vividly see Quinn reaching his arms out to me as his sister was being born. I still remember the the expression on Addison's face, a look of such peace, as if knowing her time with me/us was meant to brief.
This coming December 6th marks the 3 year anniversary of the day we found out we were having a son and a daughter, Quinn and Addison. Three years ago this coming January 3rd we found out we were losing them, and three years ago this coming January 4th we said our sad good-byes.
Every year since our sad, sudden, unfair, tragic, and can't-make-sense-of-this parting, early December to early January always wears on me. My tears are always just beneath the surface, and I wish I were stronger than I am right now, and have been in the past.
I can and will say that even though the holes in our hearts are still present, the space around our wounds has expanded exponentially. Braydon brought us back to life, brought us a love so profound, it cannot be explained. He is our world, and our life, and it's because of him we walk through our moments of darkness with our hearts full of love, fueled by our love and devotion for him and our little family.
This time will pass, as it has since since 2007, and we will continue to walk through this having grown even stronger than the year before. It's in these moments I take the time to truly reflect on how great our life is now. To thank God for the blessings he's rained down upon us, to thank God for getting us through a time I thought would have certainly killed us. On one hand I never knew such a pain existed, and on the other, we're now (and have been) living the fulfilled and joy-filled life we feared would never come to be.
I'm so thrilled and grateful that Tyson and I are able to experience a love so pure, so overwhelming, that it renders us speechless and warms our hearts with joy, sheer happiness, and pride. Braydon is more than anything we could have ever dreamed of, and yet is our answered prayer. He's our perfection -- he's the one who mended our broken hearts.
So, I'll end with this:
I'm sad right now, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm not, or pretend that these anniversaries don't affect me, because they do. I just needed an outlet to vent right now without it turning into a discussion.
Braydon and Tyson are my world, my heart, and my life. I'd be lost without them -- they are the center of me, they are what motivates me.
Lastly, I do have friends who have boy/girl twins (The Warrens), and what they have, it does not affect me even a little. I love them and only want the best for them -- I love that their world and hearts are so full of love. I love babies Caprice and Carson, and I hope they will someday be Braydon's buddies.
Goodnight
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