Dearest Merry Lynn,

Thank you so much for sending me/us the potty-training book AND the M&Ms. Time and time again, you've gone above and beyond for me and my little family, and even though there are a diaper-load of miles between us, I still cherish our friendship!

I'm SO GRATEFUL to have you as my "go-to" mommy, and savor all advice/tips you literally send my way!!!

Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We love you ML! These hearts are for you ;)

Braydon channels Evil Knievel

This morning as I began to pick up the living room, Braydon asked to watch more "shows". I immediately tell him he's watched enough TV and that he needs to go and play. He reluctantly accepts it, and toddles down the hallway and goes into his/guest bathroom - something he does 20+ times a day. Braydon truly enjoys playing in the bathtub with his bath toys, sans water. Also, that's where his potty chair is and he genuinely enjoys visiting it throughout the day.

Anyway, as I listen to him walk into the bathroom, I hear what I think are the familiar sounds of him climbing into the tub. About 10-20 seconds after I tell him to go and play, I hear a loud BOOM! CRASH! SMASH! SCRAPE! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I run to the bathroom to find Braydon pinned to the ground and surrounded by broken glass (and other common bathroom whatnots).

Apparently, Braydon pulled down the standing shelving/cabinet unit above/behind the toilet. Stupid us, for never thinking to mount it to the wall. Leave it to our little Evil Knievel to yank it down and unveil our unforeseen negligence.

Luckily, and THANK THE LORD ALL MIGHTY, Braydon was totally unharmed!!! As scary as the situation appeared to be, I pulled him away without a single scratch, cut, or bruise. I, however, managed to gather a few glass shards in my hands -- but better me than my precious little man!!!

The only visible damage to the house is a small portion of the wall has a few scrapes and two small gashes. But after a little patch-job and a coat of paint, no one will be none-the-wiser of today's ordeal.

There were four casualties from today's crash, though. The first being a potted plant that has been alive for at least 15 years. It was on top of the unit, and though the ceramic vase survived, the plant itself did not. The second was a can of air freshener, the third was the unit itself, and fourth and most importantly was a jar of M&Ms.

The M&Ms are Braydon's reward for when he tries/goes on the potty. Braydon was devastated once he learned he wasn't allowed eat the glass laden M&Ms. And I think the Great Crash of April 21, 2010 was a direct result of our Evil Knievel's attempt to retrieve said M&Ms.

Today, I went to Walmart to buy replacement M&Ms, but they are now stored in a PLASTIC container, in the kitchen, where Evil Knievel absolutely cannot even attempt to retrieve them.

The lesson learned today? To NEVER assume a little TODDLER boy is doing what you think he's doing AND to BOLT EVERYTHING to the wall.

Braydon + Matchbox Cars = Happy Boy

It AMAZES me how much of a "boy" Braydon has become! He used to play with just about anything, but as of lately, he's grown quite picky in regards to his toys.

No longer does he like the baby-ish cars, the ones he used to cherish. He now LOVES his Matchbox cars, his huge Hummer truck (that comes w/all sorts of annoying sounds), and his new dicast Charger Police Car.

Earlier today I took Braydon to Target to pick out some toys with the Easter money his Mimi sent him. I had no idea Braydon would be SO enamoured by the toy car aisle. He DID NOT want to venture down any other aisle. Apparently Braydon had his eye on the prize and that ended up being Cars -- lots and lots of cars.

Anyway, he wanted almost every single thing there. At first he tried to convince me he needed this large crotch-rocket motorcycle that has all the same annoying sounds as his Hummer, but I refuse to encourage any and all things motorcycle. Next he wanted a firetruck, then a PT Cruiser, then a dicast Mustang, then a dicast Porsche. Finally after a few meltdowns, he decided on a 5-pack of Matchbox Cars, and the dicast Charger police car. He left Target one satisfied little boy, held his Matchbox Cars the entire ride home, and once home and inside, he cradled them like a baby, kissed the package, and then handed it off to me so I could open it. He tried to carry his police car, but the box was nearly as big as he is, so he settled on the little cars.

Anyway, my 23 month old baby has turned into a boy, and I have no idea where the time has gone. He's just growing up too darn fast.

Happy Anniverary!

Today is Tyson and my 7th anniversary! We've been together for nine years, married for seven, and this past nearly decade has been the best years of my life! I'm so grateful to have him as my hubby and I so look forward to our future!

Happy Anniversary, my love!!! I love you so very very very very much!!!

I'm computer-stupid!

Not only did I manage to lose our video of Braydon's very first Easter egg hunt, I also lost video from the earthquake that we felt.

Braydon was able to find 6 Easter eggs, each filled with a Matchbox Car (which he's still obsessively playing with 3 hours later) and the video is GONE. In addition to that, about 20 seconds after we felt the earthquake, Tyson grabbed the camera to film our pool going crazy and water totally splashing over the rim. I lost our footage of that AND the footage of Tyson talking to our neighbors (behind us) about the tremors we'd just experienced.

I have NO IDEA what happened. I plugged the camera up to the PC using the USB port. The 4 videos showed up in the automated video thing that popped up and then suddenly I got a message error saying something about defective system hardware, and then the videos vanished. To make matters worse, the videos were also totally erased from the SD Card. I didn't push a single button. All just totally vanished :(

I'm so disappointed!!! I cannot believe I lost precious video of my son, proof of his first earthquake (in AZ), and I didn't take a single picture today. I have zero documentation of today!!!!

I'm struggling with this 3rd anniversary...

... I don't know exactly why, but I'm absolutely struggling with my grief of losing Quinn and Addison this year. This anniversary has hit me harder than it has the first two years.

It's not as if I don't always think of them, which I have and do since the day they left us. But now I'm actually wrestling with my grief over the questions with which I'll never receive answers.

I can't help but wander what they would look like. What their personalities would be. Would Quinn be a big boy like Braydon - would Addison be petite like her Mimi, or a chunk like I was as a baby/toddler? What color would their eyes be? What would their favorite foods, books, toys, shows, activities, friends, etc. be? What would they like or dislike? Or how would their laughs sound? How would they sound when they talked? Would they have "twin-language"? Would they be best friends or fight constantly?

These and so many other questions constantly roll around in my thoughts, and at times, it damn near paralyzes me. Of course I keep these thoughts/emotions at bay when Braydon's awake, but as soon as he goes down for his nap, they come flooding in and it just exhausts me. I don't know why I can't just let it go!!! I KNOW someday we will be reunited, but these questions, especially since the 3rd anniversary, overwhelm me.

I don't give an actual voice to these thoughts, because I honestly don't want to talk about it. Thankfully, once Tyson gets home from work, the thoughts/questions are put to rest til Braydon's next nap time. I welcome these breaks because when the questions are present, all of the emotions I don't like to feel almost always consume me for at least an hour.

I guess I'm just posting this in an attempt to vent, and to possibly put these thoughts to bed for good. I KNOW I'll never get my answers. Besides, if Quinn and Addison were here, Braydon wouldn't be and that thought alone is unbearable. He and Tyson are my world. Why I can't just focus on that, I just don't know. Perhaps I need to let myself feel the pain/grief again, release some super bottled up tears, and move forward til this grief sidelines me once again, which I know it will.

Sorry for this downer of a post. I just really needed to vent.